And on the 7th Day, God Made Swings (a love letter to Fisher Price)


Dear Mattel-
I love you.
Like a lot.

You don’t know how badly I needed you. You don’t know how badly WE needed you.

You see, our baby and us- we had a great start to this journey. Sweet little Charlotte came home from the hospital and like a typical newborn, she was sooo sleepy. She slept in our arms, on the boppy pillow, in her bassinet. I mean this child was basically a narcoleptic. But boy that did not last. At about 8 weeks Charlotte decided that napping during the day was NOT COOL. And on top of that she suffered from really bad gas (I’m sure she will be thrilled about this post when she is older). Because of the gas, the over tiredness etc, what some refer to as a “witching hour” turned into witching days.....on end.

There’s truly nothing like taking your 800th lap around your apartment while your baby and you stare into each other’s eyes while both of you cry together. “Cry” is understatement. At times, we both perfect harmony, like the psychotic choir from hell.

Here’s the thing- when I registered for my baby shower, I was appalled at the amount of stuff Buy Buy Baby recommended I scan. I mean, I thought I was completely stocked up when I noticed the little icon on the registry said I was only 37% complete. Did I really need a wipe warmer, a shush machine and a swing? For God sakes, they even suggested I buy a pad for my knees that is to be used “when giving your child a bath.” Hahah - “giving your child a bath?” Is that why they’re calling it these day. I know FOR SURE  that the “bath” knee pad was invented by a man.

Well, it turns out that my baby is a diva and only likes her booty to be touched with warm wipes, so one week in and I sent my husband to buy a wipe warmer.

Just weeks later I laughed when my mother in law gifted us the Shusher machine that basically does he “shhhh shhhh” for you. One night after my jaw was hurting from shhhhhhh’ing and after accepting the fact that with all this shhhhing I was going to need a lot of juviderm to correct the wrinkles around my lips, I finally popped some batteries in the little machine and let it do it’s job. Let me tell you something, there’s a reason that bad boy has 5 stars on amazon and it’s because it’s awesome. Thanks MIL!

This brings us to the swing. Oh lord. Thank you sweet Jesus. The only reason I’m able to even write this post is because Charlotte is sleeping soundly in her swing.

For those of you city slickers, you know what it’s like to live in a small apartment. I registered for a bjorn bouncer and not a swing. I had read some babies hate the swing anyways and I figured it was unnecessary. My god! I was wrong. The swing is necessary. The swing is the difference between showering once a day or once every 10 days. The swing is the difference between a home cooked meal and seamless delivery. The swing is the difference between a clean home and a place that looked like a bomb hit it. Hell, this swing may be the only way Charlotte will ever get a sibling 😂

I would have never discovered the power of the swing had it not been for my mom who every day coaxed me into biting the bullet and buying one.
My moms friend had a swing that her grandchildren had grown out of and so she let my parents set it up in their home to borrow for a while. Charlotte would take the best naps at my parents house but I convinced myself if the was because she felt peace in the suburbs. NOT true. She was taking great naps because she was in her swing. And like usual, my mom was right. AGAIN.

So on the very next Friday, as Charlotte and I cried to each other (she cried because of gas and I cried because she cried) my husband called me to tell me he was leaving work. “Babe, need me to pick anything up on my way home” he generously offered as he always does. I’m sure the last thing he expected was me telling him not to come home unless he had a swing in his hand. He must have sensed the desperation in my voice because within an hour, my husband, my dear angel of a husband, walked into the apartment carrying that Fisher Price swing.

I nearly dropped Charlotte on the floor to quickly assemble that bad boy. And 30 minutes later, while she hung out calmly in her swing, my husband and I ate dinner together, AT THE SAME TIME, for the first time in two months.

So if your registering for baby items, or curious about what you need, you can forego the “bath” knee pads (sorry gentleman) but DO NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. FOREGO THE SWING.

Mattel, I love you. So does Charlotte. So does my husband. And so do my future children.